Deescalate Parental Conflict with the 4-steps of CALM
In recent years, parental violence against school staff have made headlines across the country, including attacks on principals in California and Ohio and bus drivers in Georgia and Boston. The education of children is a noble and rewarding profession which requires a full team of teachers, principals, social workers, guidance counselors, bus drivers, and other key individuals. However, it comes with a unique set of challenges, not just handling students, but with their parents and guardians. Parents are much more involved with their children’s studies than previous generations, and much more likely to engage in heated discussions with school staff. These interactions can quite often become emotionally charged, requiring an approach encompassing tact and empathy, while also ensuring the safety of students and staff in the event discussions become violent.
Within the school facility itself, best practices include the full-time assignment of School Resource Officers (often local police officers), a stringent policy of access control for non-students and staff, and extensive staff training. School Resource Officers serve as the first line of defense and can provide effective deterrence and support if positioned at the school entrance where the most likely staff interaction with parents will occur. A further benefit is the controlling of access into the school.
School staff should consider utilizing the CALM acronym as a starting point to effectively manage conversations with parents. Moreover, the principles of CALM emphasize the importance of safety for both students and staff, including the need to involve law enforcement before situations become uncontrollable.
C- Cool, Calm, and Control. When things get intense, staying cool is the golden rule for communication. Take a deep breath, approach the conversation with calmness and set the tone positively. Let the parent know you're open to discussion but control the situation. If you do not feel safe, say so immediately, and inform the parent you would like to schedule a meeting another time or have the School Resource Officer present. However, if you do not feel in danger, consider moving the conversation away from common areas where students traverse and find a quieter location.
A - Actively Listen. Listening is your secret weapon for connecting. With upset parents, zero interruptions is extremely important. Eye contact, nods, and verbal affirmations convey that you are fully engaged in understanding their perspective. This not only helps in gathering relevant information but also demonstrates respect for the parent's feelings. Allow the parent to share their thoughts without interruption and focus on understanding their perspective, even if you disagree.
L – Lay Out a Plan. After hearing them out, team up to develop a clear plan of action for moving forward. Outline the steps that will be taken to address the concerns and establish a timeline for implementation. This not only demonstrates your commitment to finding solutions but also provides a sense of structure and accountability.
M - Maintain Safety: Safety is paramount in any educational setting. If at any point during the interaction the staff feels threatened or unsafe, it is imperative to prioritize the well-being of all parties involved. If emotions escalate, be prepared to involve another person, or even law enforcement if necessary. Even as you work through solutions, it's crucial to maintain a calm and respectful demeanor.
Understanding and utilizing the CALM acronym serves as a valuable guide for school staff navigating challenging conversations with parents. By focusing on staying calm, actively listening, laying out a plan, and maintaining safety, school staff can foster positive relationships with parents and create an environment conducive to the success of their students. Remember, staying CALM not only benefits the immediate situation but contributes to a culture of open communication and partnership between educators and parents, ultimately benefiting the entire school community.
Neal Duckworth has been an adjunct professor at several colleges and universities and is currently serving as a physical security advisor with the US federal government. He retired as the head of Marine Corps Counterintelligence & Human Intelligence Branch and enjoys speaking and writing on security, espionage, and leadership.
Paul Wells is a career law enforcement officer in New England with extensive training and experience in criminal investigations, interview and interrogation, behavioral de-escalation strategies, risk assessments, and served on a special weapons and tactics (SWAT) team.
